Everyday, these past few months, I just seem to always go back to square one. Not knowing what to be, not knowing what to do. Not making any significant progress and not mapping out a goal. It’s frustrating how looking back at the things I’ve written from when I first started the blog, it is all mostly still the same. There were improvements, sure, but generally looking back and assessing myself, there’s no huge progress toward the way I should be going.
How do I start? How do I keep up with the pace of it all?
At first I thought it was only about evading the guilt and pressure to be perfect and moral. And I’ve learned that it’s not all about that.
Lying deeper, there’s the realization of the reality of time. The need for improvement and change. To sustain myself and to accomplish whatever is worthwhile.
As time moves, so does the expectation to grow up rises.
I’m turning 20, and so, you probably know what I mean.
With growing up comes the challenges to remain in childlike faith, and trust. Because the message of self-reliance, working in huge volumes, setting goals and focusing on that…this message is prevalent.
Though, at some point it’s necessary to move that way. It’s right. I’ve known and seen with my own eyes how my ways aren’t working anymore. There are things in my life that need a 180 degree turn – things that won’t come by mere prayer. Things that require battle and work.
If it continues on and change doesn’t happen – then days could again turn to years, and with that comes the piling up of tasks and expectations, and a lot of catching up, regrets, and ultimately, more frustration.
Something’s got to change. Something’s got to give.
I need you God, more than ever. Help me.
I am relying on you, still. Patience works, and patience is effective. Help me do my part.