I just realized that, often times, it’s hard to see grace.
Especially if you keep messing up all the time, and people demand you actions, and shove the regrets you have and the mistakes you’ve got from your past right into your face. Often times, that how it is, right?
It’s hard to see grace, when often times…people LOOK at someone, and while they don’t, they actually really intend to throw stones at them for being in the ‘wrong’.
It’s hard to see grace, when what people call ‘love’ seem like too much pain, and discipline. While it can be healthy, maybe it just isn’t for me. I don’t know why I’ve got such a fragile heart, and I am admittedly a coward.
It’s hard to see grace, when we’ve often been conditioned to follow and obey, and not to think for ourselves. Our heart screams for rebellion and freedom, yet we’re tied up and feel so miserable and unworthy.
And when it’s hard to see grace…it’s hard to extend grace.
Why have we been conditioned this way? It’s these situations that make me feel unworthy – that’s because I see myself and see someone so weak, unconditioned, and ill-prepared in comparison to others If you knew me in person you will know what I mean. That is why I am just trying to cope up to what I’m lacking by..trying to extend grace to others, even in spite of second-guessing myself. Maybe I’m just running away.
All I know is though, those past failures and mistakes, and even when I keep repeating them and feel like shit about them – that’s not who I am anymore. But I just hope I can be better…
It’s hard to see grace in this world. That’s why we fix our eyes on Jesus..