Pondering. Wondering. Asking, and questioning.
This time, I know. A lot of things. So many things. Yet it still isn’t as clear as I think it should be. Now I wonder about things like suffering, chance, and effort. I wonder about the people who have lost their lives in the recent tragedies I see and hear – if there is a reason behind all of it, and if God knows about them and saw this coming. I wonder..if I was born and grew up in a place where Christ was not the center – what kind of person would I be?
I wonder how it’ll all be clear, for the people out there, and for me. Does God move in ways we can’t imagine? That, I believe. Maybe it will all be clear, one day, though there may be pain and ignorance, and suffering..
I live in a world around people who live incredibly simple lives. People who could settle with having dried fish, rice, and perhaps adobo and sinigang (Filipino dishes) for their meals. People who live in non-extravagant homes, and refuse to live with any form of luxury (kaartehan). Sometimes I walk out and see them working hard at the junkyard just near our house, or at the computer shop next door playing computer games, or mostly playing basketball, shirtless out in the rain. I see this old man each morning sitting in front of his house just up the neighborhood. I see mothers taking care of their children, buying ice from us often times.
I wonder what it would be like, to live completely simple like that, where money’s barely enough yet the people find ways for hope and fun.
Comic by Tactician Jenro
Don’t lose hope. Hold on, life is still worth living. :) There’s love for you.
The journey goes on,
No matter how it is
A fight is fought
There’s love – there is.
I’m not alone,
My life secure.
And that’s for sure.
art by Tactician Jenro
“We don’t need words – we need RESULTS!”
“How will anyone believe you when you don’t even live right?”
“You’re only a seed, and we’re more grown than you, so we can’t really learn from what you have to say.”
“You’re in no position to share any truth.”
I’m always being held back, with a shaky barely-there confidence, and other than that, a discovery of truth that I’d like to be serious about. These words, while no one has really told me, weighs me down like crazy. I wish I could just live, like everyone else, ignoring all these and making it all right. But I can’t. Though, I want to. Why am I still being held back? Why can’t I just run towards the light, shake away the doubt and be brave, be grounded on what I know is true. There are so many good things I’d like to do, but then, I know others would think those are crazy, and starting a rebellion has its consequences. Besides, I’m not independent yet. Is this why I’m feeling down?…
God, help me keep the fight. This is your fight too, anyway. Help me know what I have to do and give me the support to be able to get there..
I want to be brave.