Sloppy World


worldofcrayons

(Written in a fictional character’s perspective. This isn’t me! Be warned: Much drama ahead.)

Sloppy World

She held my hand. She was the little child, who used to giggle at the little things that filled her with glee. The little child, wielding crayons as a weapon of wonder and innocence, creating her sloppy world of red, blue and green.

“This is our house. And the sky, the clouds and the birds! This is our family! Mommy and daddy, and I’m in between them and there’s a heart-shape, because we love each other!”

He held my hand. He was the little child, who used to walk undaunted, full of awe and a sense of adventure. Breeding stories of knights, monsters–under the bed covers, scribbling over notebooks, creating his sloppy world of thick streaks of lead with subtle shades of grey..all coming from a tiny pencil.

“He’s going to be a hero! He’s going to save the world from evil! No one is gonna have to deal with evil ever again because he’ll be there.”

That day would come..when she’ll cling tight to mommy’s leg, as though something was wrong.

And he would, too…he would do the same. He knew something wasn’t right. What that exactly was – who knows. Maybe a child like him just doesn’t have the words to explain.

“What’s wrong, dear?”

She would say a few words. He would stay silent, sometimes.

And from there, they had gradually let go of my hand. They had slowly faded away..leaving with a bright sparkle of light, fading towards the end of nothing.

And now all around me was vivid, multi-dimensional. All around me was the bigger picture filled with color…A world no longer made of crayons, no longer of lead coming from this tiny pencil.

“What’s wrong, dear?”

“Nothing. Oh–nothing!” I flinched, as I snapped out of my daydreaming.

Hours go by and the bell finally rings. Everyone would singlehandedly agree that this moment was what the class had all been waiting for. Now I could go home and play Pokemon, then get back to watching that 50th anniversary special.

Everyone else… I think they would be doing the same.

 

Author’s Notes

This isn’t something to be taken literally, but with a lot of understanding.

Well On My Way By Now


kaylan_onmyway

Everyday, these past few months, I just seem to always go back to square one. Not knowing what to be, not knowing what to do. Not making any significant progress and not mapping out a goal. It’s frustrating how looking back at the things I’ve written from when I first started the blog, it is all mostly still the same. There were improvements, sure, but generally looking back and assessing myself, there’s no huge progress toward the way I should be going.

How do I start? How do I keep up with the pace of it all?
At first I thought it was only about evading the guilt and pressure to be perfect and moral. And I’ve learned that it’s not all about that.
Lying deeper, there’s the realization of the reality of time. The need for improvement and change. To sustain myself and to accomplish whatever is worthwhile.
As time moves, so does the expectation to grow up rises.
I’m turning 20, and so, you probably know what I mean.
With growing up comes the challenges to remain in childlike faith, and trust. Because the message of self-reliance, working in huge volumes, setting goals and focusing on that…this message is prevalent.
Though, at some point it’s necessary to move that way. It’s right. I’ve known and seen with my own eyes how my ways aren’t working anymore. There are things in my life that need a 180 degree turn – things that won’t come by mere prayer. Things that require battle and work.
If it continues on and change doesn’t happen – then days could again turn to years, and with that comes the piling up of tasks and expectations, and a lot of catching up, regrets, and ultimately, more frustration.
Something’s got to change. Something’s got to give.
I need you God, more than ever. Help me.
I am relying on you, still. Patience works, and patience is effective. Help me do my part.

3:16 A.M.


3:16 AM, and feeling like I’m lost again Reaching out my hand, but feeling like help has to come from none but myself. 3:16 AM, and feeling like I’m stuck again Walking, trying, but feeling like there’s no sign of improvement. Do you ever feel the same way? As if you’re stuck and feeling like you just have to do something? Like, “What I have now is not enough?” Looking at other people why are they so much more than what I am right now? Continue reading