It’ll All Be Clear


“Settle down, it’ll all be clear
Don’t pay no mind to the demons they fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost you could always be found
Just know you’re not alone
‘Coz I’m gonna make this place your home”

These are lines from Phillip Phillips‘ song “Home”. And yes, he won American Idol.

But, he’s not really the main topic here, but it’s the amazing lines presented within his coronation song. I guess, it’s really such a great inspiration for me. Especially the lines I mentioned above.

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Thinking, Overthinking


So, my mother bought me an Acer netbook to help me out with school and blogging. I am very privileged to actually have one! Thank you Lord, for the blessing, and thanks to my mother for always being there.

So…umm…Topic: Overthinking.

I’ve been thinking too much about things that aren’t necessarily needed. I have been wandering with thoughts and with different imaginations that scatter forward–reaching different heights. I’ve always been thinking a lot. There’s always a monologue inside my head. It makes me feel a bit weird, yeah, and I wonder if everyone else thinks this way that I do, too…

One thing’s for sure: There are a lot of stuff that I am (still) anxious of, and that I shouldn’t be thinking of too much at all.

First off, is my schooling, as I have narrated in one of my posts here.

Second, is my stance with God…if what I am doing is fine, or if I may not be inside the lines of safety yet…

Third, are my actions. I have touched a lot of topics (here and here) about choosing to wait or to move, and all throughout I have received different reactions. Some say I should wait and rest in God’s arms and not worry too much and remain in His comfort. Others would say I ought to move, cross the lines, and to seek the road that God intends for me to tread. Soem say waiting is different from doing nothing, and I ought to do something while waiting for God’s hand. All in all, this may be the cause of too much of my overthinking especially whether I am in the right path or not. The thinking is disrupting much of me, too. :(

There’s a voice in me that says: “It’s okay if you don’t do anything. God is with you, and whatever you do, or whatever happens, it’s all going to be for good. The life that you lead and the road that you take NOW is His plan. You’re in His arms now, you don’t have to do a thing.” Another voice says, “You ought to seek what God plans for you and not remain in the arms of comfort. You’re not in the road He wants for you yet. You need to step out and move forward and climb mountains. You need to equip yourself more with faith, for you to find that road, and until you haven’t found that road, you will not find what God wants for you yet.”

So that’s about it. Another one of those rest or move posts. What are your thoughts about it? What is your stand in this?

And thank you everyone, for keeping up with my blog, Greyskeil Rainbow. Hope to still keep in touch with everyone as well.

“Really Satisfy”?


“Satisfaction. We want it. We run after it.  And yet, somehow it always seems to elude us. What’s our problem? What went wrong?”

Mike Donehey, lead singer of Tenth Avenue North, puts it this way in one of his journal entries. I find it true… those words that he said about being satisfied. I know full well what it means. We’re searching for something more…something that will fill us and satisfy us each day. But the truth remains….we’re never satisfied.

Mike points out that we have to come to terms with the fact that we’re not home yet. And I agree…most of us just seem to get so attached to what this world offers us.

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Painted by Lionel Penrose

The Endless Staircase


I remember a time in my life when I was innocent. When I was a child, I grew up far from the truth and reality of this world. Now I never knew how to cope up. Reality slowly dawns into me. The reality of our differences, the reality of life’s difficulties and all the questions and the darkness that was present that as a child I never really knew.

As a child, life seemed easier, everything so light, and nothing really mattered. I got all I wanted, and all that I needed, and I was pretty much happy. I loved the box I was in. But as I grew up, I found that life is more than those four corners alone. Life is complicated. At times, it can be hard on you. It was very uncomfortable coming out of the box and into the reality of the world.

It is a dog-eat-dog world. I found that life is a battle. A strife. For excellence, for success, for recognition. I found that there were a lot of teenagers who were better, smarter, and more reflexive. Teens who were more mature and strong than I was. I can compare life to a staircase– some at the top, some trying hard to get there, some helping others to reach that end.

            But where was I in that staircase? For some, they think of me as the person ahead of them; thinking that I know where I’m heading and they admire me for it.

            This is the world’s thinking of life. It’s about getting somewhere and reaching something.think of me as someone in the bottom, not really understanding life yet that much and not excelling the way I should. I couldn’t rank myself where I am in that staircase. At times, I think I’m at the top, at times, at the bottom.

I, however, did not go along this belief in life. I questioned myself, and didn’t really want to climb or reach anything. For me, it didn’t matter. I had dreams, I had goals and wants, but I questioned those, too. I figured I never really wanted it, since it wouldn’t matter if I couldn’t please the people around me with it. I wanted to make a statement about myself, but I couldn’t . I always followed what the others did, and so now…

I don’t know what I want.

When every teenager out there are firm in themselves, what they wanted and what they believed in, I, on the other hand, am not. I wanted to be like them – carefree and letting themselves flow with the river. But, I couldn’t do that.

I climb the stairs, not to prove myself, but to be loved and understood  and shaped to be the man that I haven’t become yet.

I wanted others to hear me out, to be interested in me, and to value me as somebody dear to them.

Time goes by. No one truly did those things for me. There were a few, but there were things like betrayal, disconnection, and selfishness that got in the way.

No one stepped out so that they could shape me and carry me. I still feel like a misguided child.

Then, one day, I just learned and told myself, “Why not just stop climbing?”. Why not just stop tiring yourself out for things that wouldn’t even really matter at all in the end?

Painted by Lionel Penrose  If I may find that I reach the top of the stairs – I’ll find that the stairs are actually endless.

And so at this moment, I am in no mood to climb or just do anything at all, for I know I’m not strong enough.

You may not understand me or what I think.Well, I guess I prefer that, rather than be generic like everyone else. You might tell me to just dismiss all these thoughts about myself and just be who I am. You might tell me that God is with me and He loves me, that I truly know, but I don’t think He intervenes and makes a step in an instant.

Please do share your thoughts about this. Thanks.

“Real Rest”?


“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden,
and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me;
for I am meek and lowly in heart:
and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
-Matthew 11:28-30 (KJV)

Matthew 11:28-30. And He will give me rest. Rest that is not like any other, but in Christ, there is real rest. I know, I’m still struggling trying to see that light – that with Jesus, there is nothing heavy or ill-fitting, but it’s all light, free, and unforced. It’s difficult ain’t it? All these voices in your head, these lies you’ve believed in, this pressure, the influence, the cycle of being better… it sort of leads us far away from the promise of Jesus that he’ll show us how to take a “real rest”.

It’s kind of hard, when everyone else doesn’t seem to see the same views on what you think about life and especially if you don’t have the guts to stomp negativism and all the world’s misconceptions and it creeps right into you, and in the end, you get distracted from Christ’s promises and offers, and eventually wouldn’t come to experience what a “real rest” would mean.

I’m not there yet. I haven’t experienced that peace, that lightness, that real freedom, of what it means to be in Christ. But I need it. This world has nothing to offer me, nothing to satisfy me, and I’ve known and realized that. and Christ is the only Way… He will find me. He won’t stop until I get to where He wants me to be.

I’m the Father’s son and it wouldn’t hurt to trust in such an amazing love. I know my Father will never let go until I am acquainted with the comfort of His arms wrapped around me, and He’s there, whispering in my ear, saying “Everything will be okay.”