Sloppy World


(Written in a fictional character’s perspective. This isn’t me! Be warned: Much drama ahead.)

Sloppy World

She held my hand. She was the little child, who used to giggle at the little things that filled her with glee. The little child, wielding crayons as a weapon of wonder and innocence, creating her sloppy world of red, blue and green.

“This is our house. And the sky, the clouds and the birds! This is our family! Mommy and daddy, and I’m in between them and there’s a heart-shape, because we love each other!”

He held my hand. He was the little child, who used to walk undaunted, full of awe and a sense of adventure. Breeding stories of knights, monsters–under the bed covers, scribbling over notebooks, creating his sloppy world of thick streaks of lead with subtle shades of grey..all coming from a tiny pencil.

“He’s going to be a hero! He’s going to save the world from evil! No one is gonna have to deal with evil ever again because he’ll be there.”

That day would come..when she’ll cling tight to mommy’s leg, as though something was wrong.

And he would, too…he would do the same. He knew something wasn’t right. What that exactly was – who knows. Maybe a child like him just doesn’t have the words to explain.

“What’s wrong, dear?”

She would say a few words. He would stay silent, sometimes.

And from there, they had gradually let go of my hand. They had slowly faded away..leaving with a bright sparkle of light, fading towards the end of nothing.

And now all around me was vivid, multi-dimensional. All around me was the bigger picture filled with color…A world no longer made of crayons, no longer of lead coming from this tiny pencil.

“What’s wrong, dear?”

“Nothing. Oh–nothing!” I flinched, as I snapped out of my daydreaming.

Hours go by and the bell finally rings. Everyone would singlehandedly agree that this moment was what the class had all been waiting for. Now I could go home and play Pokemon, then get back to watching that 50th anniversary special.

Everyone else… I think they would be doing the same.


Author’s Notes

This isn’t something to be taken literally, but with a lot of understanding.

The Best I Could Do

He lets out a sigh. He may be frustrated. He may be exasperated, but the truth he couldn’t come to face yet is the truth of how tired he has become.

So many challenges. So many things to get through just to live. It’s getting very tiring. I don’t know if I can make it. Could I? As years pass, I am growing older. I am growing weaker. And calculating all the methods, or looking towards the possible future at this state…I know it’s not going to be fine.

These are the thoughts that enter his mind. Thoughts that wind up – realities of failure and calculations of the limited distance that he could run to.

Once, he would smile. He would laugh. He would take on an optimistic attitude, and face life without worries, but…it doesn’t last long.

He sits…then and there…frustrated.

Must I dismiss these thoughts entirely?

Or must I keep up with the positive thoughts, even if I know the reality of my insufficiency?

I am insufficient. People could go saying things like “You can do it”, “Have courage”,  “Just believe in yourself,” …but I don’t find that works at all.

I could do my best, but my best would always never be enough for others.

I could do my best, but that’s all I could do… 

Why not look to God, despite of our weakness and insufficiency?

As 2 Corinthians 3:18 says,  “But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.”

Beholding means we focus our eyes on the Lord and who He is. We don’t focus on what we do, and how we should change ourselves. We don’t keep on doing…and striving…trying to reach the top and focusing on that.

We focus our eyes on the Lord. His goodness for us. His power for us. And how extremely loving He is to us.

He is powerful. He is loving. And He is always good.

The moment we find ourselves in the position of the guy in this story…. or when we focus much more on what we should do, than to God Himself. Then, we ought to shift our eyes. Then are we transformed from glory to glory… into His image.

I have been experiencing emotional setbacks these past days, that’s why I couldn’t seem to write in my blog that well. But a friend told me:

“No matter what you deal with, God makes a way out eventually…”

And I’d like to believe that. Even if as humans, it’s that “eventually” that is most bothering.

So, what’s the best that I could do? It is…to trust God.

He never lets go.