There’s one of those days when you feel like giving up and you feel like nothing’s ever really happening and you’re too weak to make something out of nothing. There are times when the situations in front of us get the most out of us and we can’t really pick up the sword lying right there and fight back. Time is a foe, and yet it always makes losers out of us for seemingly “not” being able to use him properly.
“I could be better, right?”
“I could prove that…I can not be just a guy who is average. Or useless. I could be good at something. I could be more..”
“Looking at others – looking at their confidence, their status in life, the things they achieve and work out altogether, makes me see how small I am in comparison. It’s a discouragement and an encouragement at the same time.”
“It could be…one of the wells, or reason, for my doing better and aiming for more..”
“You know, often we look at what’s ahead..the future, our goals and wants.. but deep inside it could be.. our heart’s way of shouting its need for acceptance and position. We want to be somebody. However, is what lies ahead all there is to it? Or is it what we have in the here and now?”
“The great thing with God is…in Him we have both, in a different kind of aspect. Here and now – we are loved and accepted. We don’t have to compare ourselves to others based on what they do and what we don’t. We don’t have to envy others just because they have..things..talents.. things that we may not ‘appear’ to have.”
“Blessed are the children for theirs is the kingdom of God”
by Danny Randall
(I asked for his permission if i could post this, and he gladly agreed. His words have truly inspired me and I hope it does inspire you too.)
It’s amazing to me how much of my life I was motivated by what I was against and I actually thought I was living in freedom! It’s so easy to rally around a cause, especially when everyone around you agrees with you and pats you on the back for standing up for the truth. For me what I was against was man-made religion and all the evil that comes from it. I would quote Blaise Pascal’s famous quote, “Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from a religious conviction,” often to justify my anger and self-righteousness towards those I thought were the enemy.
He lets out a sigh. He may be frustrated. He may be exasperated, but the truth he couldn’t come to face yet is the truth of how tired he has become.
So many challenges. So many things to get through just to live. It’s getting very tiring. I don’t know if I can make it. Could I? As years pass, I am growing older. I am growing weaker. And calculating all the methods, or looking towards the possible future at this state…I know it’s not going to be fine.
These are the thoughts that enter his mind. Thoughts that wind up – realities of failure and calculations of the limited distance that he could run to.
Once, he would smile. He would laugh. He would take on an optimistic attitude, and face life without worries, but…it doesn’t last long.
He sits…then and there…frustrated.
Must I dismiss these thoughts entirely?
Or must I keep up with the positive thoughts, even if I know the reality of my insufficiency?
I am insufficient. People could go saying things like “You can do it”, “Have courage”, “Just believe in yourself,” …but I don’t find that works at all.
I could do my best, but my best would always never be enough for others.
I could do my best, but that’s all I could do…
Why not look to God, despite of our weakness and insufficiency?
As 2 Corinthians 3:18 says, “But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.”
Beholding means we focus our eyes on the Lord and who He is. We don’t focus on what we do, and how we should change ourselves. We don’t keep on doing…and striving…trying to reach the top and focusing on that.
We focus our eyes on the Lord. His goodness for us. His power for us. And how extremely loving He is to us.
He is powerful. He is loving. And He is always good.
The moment we find ourselves in the position of the guy in this story…. or when we focus much more on what we should do, than to God Himself. Then, we ought to shift our eyes. Then are we transformed from glory to glory… into His image.
I have been experiencing emotional setbacks these past days, that’s why I couldn’t seem to write in my blog that well. But a friend told me:
“No matter what you deal with, God makes a way out eventually…”
And I’d like to believe that. Even if as humans, it’s that “eventually” that is most bothering.
So, what’s the best that I could do? It is…to trust God.
He never lets go.
I cried on my way to the mall today.
I was riding the taxi, and there I just cried. I wasn’t with anyone I know.
Let’s see…Earlier that morning, I got scolded for something so shallow, then, the jeepney driver said the fare I paid wasn’t enough. Then, at the taxi, the dude did’t give me my change, and then when I asked for it some minutes later at the driver he said that I should have done so earlier and I never got it.
And so I just cried. (I wore a visor cap, so the strangers I were with didn’t really notice.)
And, you might go saying how weak I am…that I need to go toughen up and stop being so faint-hearted… I know. I hope I am like that, too.
I never really wanted to cry anyway. I just did, no matter how weak that seems to be.
Later at the mall, I went up to the Sky Garden and found this awesome grasshill that was quite away from the rest of the mall. I went there and saw the wonderful view – the skies, the proximity of the mall, and all these hundreds of strangers…
Why does everyone seem to make it on their own?
Why do I see no one, broken and bruised at all?
In the crowd, he would bleed, screaming, “Someone, please!”
No. I don’t see someone like that – except for this disordered cat.
Two young boys, they throw the poor kit, down in the rushing river.
The cat, it dies. It dies in the hands of those who think it is weak.
Yet aren’t we the same? We humiliate the weak.
Those who are meek, and may not find what they seek,
and we say, “You’re weak and lazy. Get a life. Get a job.
Get up, you fool, go reach your dreams.”
We pressure him to save himself,
And when he sort of does,
He’ll say, “I’m better. I’m changed,
I worked hard- look at the fruit of all I’ve made!
I’m living the life of what I should be,
I was once crap, now its good to be me.”
The cycle goes on, he goes out and says,
to everyone else – be better. Work harder.
Thrive and live like you’re alive.
The next time you see a beggar, I know you’ll think,
He’s just lazy, and foolish and poor
Because of the choices that he’s made.
But, listen, there are times when we can’t really choose.
I wonder if the time will come…when somebody,
yes, somebody, will allow himself to be stepped on by others.
Someone, who’ll admit he’s broken and bruised
He would bleed, screaming, “Someone, please!”
Like the poor old cat who can’t save itself
from those who think you’re weak and they’re better.