I May Not Be

A poem I made a while ago.

Shows a lot of what I feel right now.

What are your thoughts about it?

“Really Satisfy”?

“Satisfaction. We want it. We run after it.  And yet, somehow it always seems to elude us. What’s our problem? What went wrong?”

Mike Donehey, lead singer of Tenth Avenue North, puts it this way in one of his journal entries. I find it true… those words that he said about being satisfied. I know full well what it means. We’re searching for something more…something that will fill us and satisfy us each day. But the truth remains….we’re never satisfied.

Mike points out that we have to come to terms with the fact that we’re not home yet. And I agree…most of us just seem to get so attached to what this world offers us.

College Kid

I have a lot to say about education, being a 17-year old college student.

Education here in the Philippines is a bit different — grade school has 6 levels, and after that you go to high school with 4 levels. Unlike other countries which has two or more years (7th, 8th, 9th grade and so on), in our country, students graduate from high school unprepared for the world outside. That’s why all graduating high school students needs to go to college for them to land a decent job. At least, if they are financially okay to do that.

Our educational system is going to be fixed soon, by adding a year in grade school (7th grade) and in high school (5th year).

People really should know how being educated is really important… the teachers. The government officials. It’s really how much you’ve learned and are willing to learn that matters out there. But, here, it’s really sad… I have classmates in college who still don’t read well, write well or comprehend well. They’re not really mindful of their future either, and waste their time on drinking, having a girlfriend, and just having fun.

I know, a part of me doesn’t want to blame either and people’s choices. Because society plays a part in this, too. How people influence them (friends and family) are factors that affect their outlook in life.

Ramblings Part 3

When will I find someone who will care?

When will I find someone who will listen, and with all his heart, let go of selfishness, of thinking his own profit first?

Because it’s always like that… people always come to you, knowing they would benefit from you. But what if there is no benefit? What if he has no brilliant words to say? What if he hasn’t achieved anything?

What if his actions, his mistakes, has so much put him into the bottom of the food chain?

Stop.

What? Who’s there?

Turn around.

What do you mean, turn around–what–

I’m right here. I care for every little thing you go through. I know every bit of hurt, every bit of pain, and every bit of word you’ve left unsaid.

I’ve always loved you. I’ve always been with you.

No matter how stupid you think you are, or how much mistakes you make, know that … I still love you. I love you completely. I love you forever.

Uh…. what?

Where did those words come from?

I-i-it must be silly… I mean, that’s not right.

How could someone be able to love someone like me, who keeps on…

moving in rebellion.

walking in disobedience.

Could you please tell me?

I shut the PC, I find that it’s 2:26A.M.

Yeah, right. Silly me.

I am loved, yes. Silly me.

Author’s Notes: I actually didn’t know what I was writing here, I just let the keyboard type on its own. ^_^ These are just one of those rambles I keep on writing and then all of a sudden some thoughts just arrives in me (the one in the bold letters).

Subsiding

“Somebody! Help!”

I managed to shout as my boat is being thrown away by the vagrant waves and the powerful storm. There was no sight of any land. No sight of other sailboats. Besides – who would be foolish enough to be setting sail during a storm?

I was.

All because of my foolish misconceptions and taking hold of my ideals, I shall face the death that I may not be ready to face yet.

With my right hand, I hold tightly to the remaining portions of my boat. In the other, my arm holds firmly to my prized possessions. I could not just die here…I could not. All hope was lost at the sight of a tidal wave, and it was history from there.

Down I went, into the ocean, sinking deep.

How come I did not foresee the tragedy before me?

I begin to feel the chaos within me, the discomfort and the fear, as I slowly descend to the seabed. I questioned the feeling of death still not creeping me. This seemed different.

The sounds of the storm, and the crashing of the waves from above – I could no longer hear.

The salty waters of the ocean I breathe into my lungs. Air, I could no longer find.

The possessions I carried, all of them far from my hands’ reach. All that I have worked hard for, it has drowned the same.

As I drown deep into the waters, I notice that…I’m losing what I know about myself.

I’m losing my knowledge, my identity. My reputation, my pride, my sorrows…all of me.

It is as if all of it flees away from me…all of it…sinking deep.

Everything I know, goes down and fades away.

All that I keep, and all that I sow, everything I have kept–with me, they sink so low.

I see everything of it fade away, as I no longer knew myself. Only then…did that light arrive and start to mend my soul. It felt weird…but I had a different kind of peace that I did not know existed.

That time, when I was down the ocean, subsiding… it all changed.

I’m alive again…

Photos: Chateau Royale Sports and Country Club

My mother celebrated her 50th birthday last January 14, and as a celebration, my mother, my two sisters and I went to Chateau Royale Sports and Country Club in Nasugbu, Batangas. Our trip was a once in a lifetime experience, and it was indeed relaxing and nice. We don’t travel really that much, so this was really something to treasure.

Chateau Royale is about 2-3 hours away from Manila and it’s also very near Tagaytay.

Our stay was indeed relaxing. Walking around. Feeling the wind, the fresh air. It was a great time away from the stresses and sounds of Metro Manila.

I’ve always wanted to take great photos, and finally this was that chance. Here are a few photos I have taken (and am really proud of):

Update (12/01/12): Changed to gallery format. :)

More than Words

I am loved.

I am loved. I am loved. I am loved.

I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved.

I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved.

The Pessimistic Optimist

Just had to think of a nice blog post title.

I don’t know about your views, but, I know how optimistic most people can be. I see their point and how they seem so positive and that’s a nice thing – to think on the bright side.  However, they seem to put you down for not being positive like them.

You know, like, when they go saying things like ‘be happy’, and ‘you can do it‘, with this big smile on their face and give you a pat on the back and you seem to see how confident they are with their life and they seem to belittle you for not being like them.

And that’s what I sort of frown on – that dark side of optimism where people get their pride up on you.

I know, sounds like words coming from someone who’s a bit weak-willed and so downright pessimistic.

But, isn’t that what someone who’s lacking hope would feel like?

Smiling on the outside, trying to be this optimistic, normal and happy person, but on the inside, he’s being attacked by his insecurities and the traits of pessimism that perhaps, he grew up with, adapted from his surroundings, or from his lack of hope and confidence in his own.